Defeated

I'm feeling so incredibly defeated again. I've had a decent couple of weeks, but have hit a point where mentally I can't run past a certain point and just "have" to stop to walk. It's not that my lungs are going to explode or my legs are going to fall off, it is totally a mental issue. I'm so frustrated. I don't know why this is so hard for me.

I was looking at online coaching sites to see what they offered, if I thought it would be something I'd be interested in, etc. I found a site that gives a 1-week free trial. I'm doing that this week. I'm not doing anything hard by any stretch of the imagination. Tonight was jog 9 minutes, walk 1 min, then repeat 2 more times for a total of 30 minutes. I did the first 9 just fine. The 2nd 9 were tough and I stopped at 8 minutes and walked for 2. The last 9 were miserable. I stopped 2 different times to walk for about 20 seconds each time. Wednesday is my "max run" day. I have to see how long I can run without stopping. The way things are going it will be about 10 minutes and I'll be done.

I'm so frustrated!!!! I just don't know why this is so hard for me. I have given up on "speed" at this point and am just focusing on endurance, but even that isn't coming along very good. I've lost a total of 7 pounds since I started 8 weeks ago. I'm still frustrated with that and am going to start keeping a food journal so I really know for sure how much I'm eating. People close to me say that I look better and seem to have lost weight, but I don't see it much. It's been about a month since I took a picture, so I'll do that again and see if I notice a difference.

I'm beginning to think that a 1/2 marathon on May 1st is a completely unrealistic goal at this point. UGH!

I am signing up for the Cedar's Rapid Run alumni weekend so I can be the slowest person out there, but I'm going to do it anyway.

UGH, UGH, UGH! I'm just so frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not so bad

I did the 2 mile fun run/walk in Albion yesterday. It started raining when the kids were doing their 1 mile run. It wasn't too bad, it stopped shortly after the 2 milers/5kers started. The temp was actually pretty good. I really wish my contacts felt better in my eyes, I had to take my glasses off and was virtually blind the whole time!

I was a bit intimidated at first with a lot of the 5k runners. Several of them finished long before I finished my little 2 mile jog. Other than about 1 minute of walking right around the water stand, I jogged the whole time, which was really what I was hoping for. I'm slower than a snail and really hope someday that will improve! Good news is, I now have a personal best!! LOL! I completed my 2 miles in 25'01" Slow, slow, slow! I'm okay with that and know that I'll get better. I was really surprised and kind of excited by complete strangers, who were obviously very experienced runners saying very motivating, encouraging things as they passed by me! That was pretty cool!

I'm glad I decided to go, even though my friend wasn't able to join me! It was worth it!! I'm going to sign off now before lightening strikes the house!

Refocused

Tonight's run went much, much better than Tuesday's workout did. I did 25 minutes of solid running...well, jogging anyway. I've been reading that treadmills really aren't accurate in the readouts for distance and speed, so I decided to use my Nike+ sensor tonight that is calibrated for my stride. It says I did 2.67 miles in 25 minutes of jogging and 4 minutes of walking. Treadmill said I did 2.26 miles in the same time. ??? I will try out the Nike+ sensor again on Saturday for the 2 mile run in Albion and see what the tells me.

I did take some time to reflect yesterday and today on my drive home. I really am so worried about how fast I'm going, or really, how fast I'm not going. My focus really at this point is to get my body used to running. As Eric P pointed out, I would never have been able to run 10 minutes straight 6 weeks ago, let alone 25 minutes, so I really need to celebrate that accomplishment. Once my body is used to running for 30 minutes straight, several days a week, for several weeks, then I can focus on increasing my speed. I've found myself frustrated with my high expectations (also as Eric pointed out). I realize I can keep those expectations, but timeframes must be different and I can't expect everything all at once.

I've also been trying to focus on the positive things that are coming from running several days a week. I've been naturally inclined to eat food that is better for me and not to eat so much at one sitting. It's amazing how that is just a natural thing to want to do. Today I was in Norfolk and I went to Hastings bookstore and when I walked out I was blasted with the greasy, fried food smell of Sonic. I almost threw up. Never, ever would I have felt that. I would have normally said, "screw the lunch I brought with me, I'm gonna have me some greasy fried food!" In thinking about it in driving back to the office, I laughed. I couldn't believe that my lettuce, veggie, chicken in a whole-wheat tortilla lunch sounded better than Sonic!! Another major thing that has changed is I'm drinking so much more water! I've found that I love Crystal Light and that helps me drink so much more water! I've also managed to drop 1.5 pounds so far this week, so that is great also. I have only had 1 soda this week, which is highly unusual also! I'm normally an everyday kind of girl!!

I'm glad tonight went well and it's hard to believe I've completed 6 whole weeks of this program already. I'm completely done with run/walk intervals and just work on increasing my time over the next 3 weeks to a full 30 minutes. YEAH! Never would have thought I could do it!

UGH!

I'm in the middle of week 6 with this stupid running and tonight was horrible. I had to jog 10 minutes, walk 3, then jog 10 again. I think it is even a stretch to say I'm running at this point. I'm staying at 5mph or above, but omg, how freakin' slow can I really be. Tonight the first 10 minutes went just fine, I walked, started jogging again and I just couldn't keep going. I know it was a mental thing because really, everything was okay, but I just couldn't make myself keep going. I have no one or nothing to be accountable to but myself and that just isn't working this week. I ended up in a ball on the floor in tears in the middle of the 2nd 10 minutes.

This whole week is off. I generall start my weeks on Saturday, but I was out of town at a friend's house Friday night and Saturday, so wasn't able to run. Sunday I was so flipping tired from the rest of the weekend I didn't run.

I'm still not losing weight. I've lost a total of 4.5 pounds in 6 weeks. That is just ridiculous and is contributing to my incredibly bad attitude.

I have to find my motivation and some accountabilty within myself again so I can get back on track. I did finally pick my butt up and finish out my last 10 minutes. I finished the last minute strong at 7 mph (holy crap, do people really run marathons at that pace?? I felt like I was sprinting!)

UGH! that's how I feel about tonight. Tomorrow is another day.....

Woo Hoo!!!

Never would I have ever guessed that I could really do it....20 minutes, no stopping! Woo Hoo! Even after I did my 5 minute warm-up, then stretched, I was still doubting whether I could really run 20 minutes without stopping. I started up, felt really good until about 12 minutes into it, then I started feeling tired (I think was a mental thing). My lungs actually felt really good the whole time, my legs did feel tired, and my calves got a little tight toward the end, but nothing I couldn't keep moving through. When I got to the last minute, I did increase my speed and really push myself, although I'm still slow as a snail. My goodness, how do people run so fast, lol?! When I reached my 20 minutes, I actually kept going to 21.5 minutes so I could reach my 2 miles. I was definitely tired when I was done, glad I pushed myself through it all and definitely happy I pushed myself a little more at the end. My legs are tired now, but I'll ice a bit later and they should be fine. (of course Shawn is in Oklahoma, I have Bennett, I'm baking cakes like crazy so I can get all of those and my decorating stuff packed up and ready to go to Kristi's house tomorrow after work. I'll spend the night and decorate, decorate, decorate Saturday for the party!) I'll get Friday and Saturday off this week since I'll be at Kristi's Saturday.

I'm still a bit frustrated with the lack of weight loss. I know I should be patient, but I'm doing a pretty good job of eating better and much healthier than I had been. I'm exercising WAY more than I was (doesn't take much when you go from no exercise at all to 4-5 days/week) and still 3 pounds, that's it. For someone who is as overweight as me, it's frustrating. I did talk to a couple people, including my brother, David. I'm trying something different on my "rest" days from the C25K program. On those days, I'm running as fast as I can stand it for 0.5 miles and then some walking to try to boost my metabolism some. Also need to make sure I'm not cutting too many calories and keeping snacks in me. David suggested not eating a snack like I was 30-45 minutes before my workout so I would burn fat instead of what I just ate for energy. I'll give that a try. He also told me to stop worrying about it as I'm likely losing weight, but also gaining muscle weight at the same time. I do see a difference in how my pants are fitting so there are some changes going on. :) Patience.....not something I always have a lot of. I did take Eric's advice and took a picture with shorts and my sports bra and will do that every month so I can see a difference, hopefully, anyway!

Now, I'm going to bake cakes and bask in the glory of my accomplishment. I'm pretty darn proud of myself tonight!

Half-Dead

I'm in week 5, and every day is a different workout. Weeks prior everyday has been the same thing. I did day 2 this morning. That was jog 8 minutes, walk 5 minutes, jog 8 minutes. The first 8 minutes, while tough, made it through and felt great. My legs were complaining a bit, but my lungs were good. The 5 minute walk was perfect, then into the next 8 minutes. Surprisingly, I felt really good. I couldn't believe it. Then, for whatever reason, my lungs felt like they were ready to explode and my legs started to feel like jello. That was with about 2 minutes left in the last 8 minute run. Normally, at the end of the workout, I will increase my speed for the last 60-90 seconds, but I was struggling to stay afloat so kept the speed the same. I pushed through and I made it the entire time without having to stop, but it didn't feel great. It took me awhile to get cooled down. I was able to complete the 1.75 miles during that 21.5 minute section and did 2.25 total (including the warm-up and cool-down), but it sure felt hellish.

Since being done, I have been so tired and little sore. I've been icing my legs, which has felt good. But man, am I exhausted. I haven't felt like that before, so not sure if my body is just readjusting to a new level, or what the deal is. Could be that Shawn and Bennett have been sick and I'm coming down with something, but I feel just fine!

Day 3 will be Thursday, and I'm scared to death. While I've enjoyed the program this far and am pretty astounded at what my old, lazy body has been capable of to this point, running 20 minutes straight, no stopping, is just a little bit frightening. Okay, I lied, it's a lot frightening. In looking at this program in its entirety, I can't believe they just throw a 20 minute run in there out of nowhere. I go from running 8 minute intervals to running 20 minutes???? Then I go back to running intervals! HOLY CRAP!

Hopefully, I start perking up soon! :)

Attacked by a dog....

I've been very nervous about week 5. It's a lot more running than I'm used to, and have just been a bit anxious. I knew day 1 wouldn't be horrible, but day 2 and 3 still have me a bit anxious.

Today when I woke up it was such a gorgeous morning out I debated whether to go run outside. (90% of my workouts are on my treadmill) I know it's a bit harder outside, but also kept telling myself that I need to get some outdoor time if I'm going to run in Albion in a couple weeks. It rained last night so the roads were going to be a muddy mess. Bennett wanted me to go into coffee with him and Shawn, so I decided I'd ride along, they could go to coffee and play cards and I would hit the highway.

We get to town, I get myself and my ipod all situated. (a bit disappointed I forgot my Nike+ receiver) I had downloaded a Couch-to-5k song list with verbal cues for the run/walk intervals that had pretty good music so I knew that would help. I hit the road for my 5 minute warm-up, did a little stretch on the side of the road, then off I went.

HOLY CRAP! The first 90 seconds I thought my knees might explode from the pounding on the pavement, but it got much better and I finished my first 5 minute jog winded, but feeling good. I walked 3 minutes, then off to the next jog of 5 minutes. About half-way through (headed uphill no less) I was to Dave and Gayle's house. I jog past thinking I'd make it to Al and Angie's driveway, turn around and head back to town. I was lost in my thoughts when out of nowhere this gigantic beast comes running from behind me and begins to lick my legs, my arms, my shirt, etc. This dog, while skinnier than all get out, it quite tall. His head easily came up to my boobs! I had his dirty snot all over my shirt, shorts, shoes, arms, and legs. While not about to harm me in anyway, he still was quite annoying. I yelled for him to go away, go home, etc. No luck. Damn dog kept running circles around me, tripping me and I could barely take a step, let alone try to jog. Of course, here comes a van (mind you, I'm on the left side of the road), coming in the lane that this beast and I are having a talk about how he's stupid and really should leave me the Hell alone, and the driver starts yelling at me to get off the highway with my stupid dog. AND to run on the right side of damn road. SERIOUSLY??? I gave up trying to move any further in the direction I was headed. I had a brilliant idea to just go ahead and turn around in hopes the dog wouldn't venture too far away from home. Did I mention the dog was wearing a shock collar, so I had hoped there was an underground fence that just didn't seem to be working much, but still hoped it would keep him close to home. SO, off we go, back toward Primrose. Needless to say, my 2nd 5 minute run really turned into nearly 10 minutes total (some running, and some trying to get away from the slobbering beast). Did the damn dog stay home?? Oh no, why would he do that? The good news is, he got into rhythm with me and enjoyed his trot while I was running. When I walked, he took to venturing into the ditches sniffing out God knows what.

We made it to town with no problems. He wandered off a bit. When I went to the door at the Pub to find Shawn and Bennett, the dog came at me full barrel like he was going to run through the door. I narrowly escaped his tackle and made it inside with no further slobbering episodes. When we left, I made Shawn drive out to clock how far I'd gone, thinking I hadn't done much more than 1.5 miles and since I had left my Nike+ receiver home. Surprisingly, the damn dog went home on his own and I went a total of 2.2 miles. Some of that was uphill and some was fighting off a stupid dog. Even with the dog episode, it was still right at 30 minutes. I'm pretty excited about the fact that I kept up with my same pace even being outside!

Hopefully tomorrow morning is nice and I can head out for another jog on the highway. (Even though I'm terrified of running 8 solid minutes at once.....yeah I know, this from someone who thinks she wants to run a half-marathon!) I think I'll head the opposite direction from town tomorrow though.

Week 4 DONE!

I finished up week 4 last night. It went pretty good. At the end, I actually jogged 2 minutes longer, just because I wanted to. I feel much, much better than I did at the beginning of the week, so that's progress. I've also dropped a couple pounds this week, too, so that always helps with the motivation.

I appreciate the words of encouragement from everyone! It would be impossible to stay motivated and committed to this without it! I'm not sure what the "slump" was about earlier this week, but I'm back to be being excited and looking forward to workouts again. I'm looking forward to week 5, but a bit anxious about it at the same time. I'm definitely not sure if next week at this time I'll be ready to run 20 consecutive minutes, but I'm excited to try!

I've also been sticking to my 100 crunches every night. 300 down, 2700 more to go. :)

Tomorrow is my rest day and Saturday is the start of week 5!!! Hard to believe I've been at this for 4 whole weeks!!!

Back in the Saddle

Tonight is one of my off nights that I normally do strength or cross-training of some sort, but with Shawn sick, I decided I'd just jump on the treadmill again. After what I felt like was a horrible workout yesterday, I figured you have to get right back in the saddle after you get bucked off!

Since it is really an off day, I just wanted to do something fairly light, nothing strenuous. I did my 5 min warm-up, stretched, then decided why not jog for awhile. I decided to not watch the time, but try to jog a 1/2 mile continuously. Well I ended up going 0.75 miles because I felt pretty good at the 1/2 mile mark. The entire last 1/4 mile I decided to just push myself and increased my speed by 0.5mph. I was definitely winded and I'm still slower than a snail, but I felt much better than I did last night!

I also joined a facebook challenge, 3000 sit-ups in June. That's 100 sit-ups/crunches a day for the entire month. So, I got my first 100 done and only 2900 more to go this month! :) I will make a decision about Albion at the end of the week, but am pretty certain I will do the 2 mile run/walk. I probably would have just opted out of it if it hadn't been for Eric's encouraging words! THANKS! :)

Glad I decided to get back in the saddle tonight! It was worth it!