I'm feeling so incredibly defeated again. I've had a decent couple of weeks, but have hit a point where mentally I can't run past a certain point and just "have" to stop to walk. It's not that my lungs are going to explode or my legs are going to fall off, it is totally a mental issue. I'm so frustrated. I don't know why this is so hard for me.
I was looking at online coaching sites to see what they offered, if I thought it would be something I'd be interested in, etc. I found a site that gives a 1-week free trial. I'm doing that this week. I'm not doing anything hard by any stretch of the imagination. Tonight was jog 9 minutes, walk 1 min, then repeat 2 more times for a total of 30 minutes. I did the first 9 just fine. The 2nd 9 were tough and I stopped at 8 minutes and walked for 2. The last 9 were miserable. I stopped 2 different times to walk for about 20 seconds each time. Wednesday is my "max run" day. I have to see how long I can run without stopping. The way things are going it will be about 10 minutes and I'll be done.
I'm so frustrated!!!! I just don't know why this is so hard for me. I have given up on "speed" at this point and am just focusing on endurance, but even that isn't coming along very good. I've lost a total of 7 pounds since I started 8 weeks ago. I'm still frustrated with that and am going to start keeping a food journal so I really know for sure how much I'm eating. People close to me say that I look better and seem to have lost weight, but I don't see it much. It's been about a month since I took a picture, so I'll do that again and see if I notice a difference.
I'm beginning to think that a 1/2 marathon on May 1st is a completely unrealistic goal at this point. UGH!
I am signing up for the Cedar's Rapid Run alumni weekend so I can be the slowest person out there, but I'm going to do it anyway.
UGH, UGH, UGH! I'm just so frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I'm going to come at you from a couple different directions and it will definitely sound preachy.
ReplyDelete1) Stop getting so damn frustrated with how you look or how much weight you've lost. It is definitely a measurable tracker of progress but not necessarily fitness. You have to look at more than your weight. Look at your waist. Look at your butt. Are they tighter/smaller/stronger? Check your pulse and your breathing. Are they slower/easier? DO YOU FEEL BETTER?
2) Don't focus on the training, start enjoying the activity/scenery/music. Are you running outside or on a treadmill? Change of scenery? Find a destination to run to. Hop in the car and find a place X miles away to run to and back. Someplace you would like to see at a slower pace than 60mph. You can also drive to a destination and run from there. It's gonna be a beautiful week for running outside.
3) Try to find a running buddy. Somebody that is better than you. Make a deal that you will run so far together then they'll take off on their own while you run back to the beginning. Or make it a couple of laps that they run but you only run 1 lap. If you are much much slower then do it with their warm up run.
4) Is your music selection stale? Use the internet and websites like Magnatune and Pandora to try to find new music. If you don't like it then you skip it or force yourself to listen to it just to "experience" it.
5) This is what I meant by your "critical" week. You have to get through this and keep it up. You accomplished a great milestone in your Albion run. Now you have the Cedar Rapids run in a month. Try to schedule another run a month later. Don't think about the half marathon too much. Keep it as the big goal but you need some baby steps to get you there. Schedule those baby steps and keep pushing to complete them.
6) It is ALL mental right now. Remember that getting back in shape will help with more than physical things. It will get you more focused mentally for work, marriage, and parenthood. All of these things come together because you balance the needs of others and the needs of yourself. Think about the benefits of this as you run. You are providing a great example to your son. Planting seeds of good fitness in his head. If that doesn't motivate you to keep moving then I don't know what will.
I know you can do this. Your family and friends know you can do this. YOU know that you can do this.